The Best Diary In the Universe ...

This is Austin's diary , he will journey from the meta-physical to the mundane , 
from slipknot and suicide silence to white stripes and Gotye , (and Merzbow) 

From the righteous side of hell to the wrong side of heaven ....


And Fuck the Haters . 


I will also touch on all the Fucks I give ... 
but there is not enough of those to list . 

I want you to know I am better then you . 
In any way shape or form I say . 
Remember that . 
I am Because I love you . 
oOHh almost forgot 


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GO FUCK YOURSELF

YOU ARE TOO FUCKING GREAT !


I care for you so fucking much , 
I want to be there for you , 
I want to show you how I feel , 

But 

FUCK!

I can't stand myself , you make me feel sick you know that ? 
I can't have a single coherent conversation about Fuck's knows what with her ,
because 

FUCK !! 

I swear I'll get my mind out , even if it takes a bullet to get it out . Bitch.

Wholly fuck , how can I be saying this shit ?
I have to keep it a secret for God knows what reason 
preserve a friendship or be honest ,I have to do it for know , 
and IFUCKING HATE IT !!!
I get short of breath , I feel discombobulated around her , 
I can't get her of my mind ,
I can't not give a Fuck ... FUCK!


I hate this shit , I wish I could end it ,
But she's just something you can't ignore , 
like a fever you can't sweat out , 
I pray to God something happens ,

I wish I could just forget it , say it will never happen , 
maybe that's they way it's gotta be , deny it , but , 

I will keep dreaming ..

Shit.


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Well , I watched a movie , Jug face or some shit like that , it was about backwoods inbreds worshiping a clay pit with demons or some ting' . 

Bitch . 


Considering weather or not to get that lady I angsted out about in the post above a flower ting' like last year ... Bitch be like "what?" 

Fuck me .

Well now that I think about it that movie had some tittie scenes ... well they kinda sucked . 

some weird shit happened in that movie . 

you know what ?

"I wanna stab Bruno Mars in his God Damn esophagus" 

Fuck Yhea .

I am Tron Cat .

I've Fuckin' Had it , 

Wolfgang needs to shut the fuck up about my problems ,

he isn't me , 

He thinks this is  his life , 

He isn't me ,

I don't need him ,

but I feel like I need him to be human ....

Fuckin' doctors are making me pop shit tons more pills .. 

"helps your mood" 
"Clears your mind"

Well I haven't seen shit get better ! 
It's probably doing the exact opposite , 

getting pissed at friends , 
I feel so outside all of the people I care for 
hating myself more ,
I amaze myself , I self loath , but Fuck , it's getting worse .. 
I'ma ticking time bomb .. 




"I want you to know that every time you smile , every time you laugh ,
It makes me feel better , you make it worth it .. 
I hope you know that ."



I miss my happiness , it's friggin' draining 
out of me like a' bleeding wound .. 
and it hurts . 

love goes with that , and all that's left 
is a cold dead heart .



Fuck the police .

fuck da police 

I woke up with 

"I miss you"  by blink 182 in my head ...

God , that song brings up happy thoughts , 

I didn't sleep last night , could fall a sleep till 3 or so ..

Fuck sleeping , sleeping's for the weak , we can sleep when we're dead .


And to you  , fucker who is screwing with my friend ,

FUCK OFF BITCH 

only I can italicize  Bitch ...


speaking of which ...












Fuck yhea ! 

I'm Awesome ... and I fuck Dolphins . 

oy vey ist mir ! ,  I forgot someting' if you would like to comment feel free ..

lol 



Because I'm awesome .

You're are fucking Goblin .

That's all you are .

Leave . 

I hate you . 

You make me hate myself more every day ,

Is that all you want . 

You little bitch , you run away like a pussy ,

I hate you . 

You're a Goddamn Goblin .

Well , today was a
fuckin' sucky day . 

Listened to anti-love songs all day...

" Well why is that  Austin ? "


because that's what I want to feel ... 
I want to feel loved but shit doesn't work out for me 
Fuck my Abusive parents .


" You talk about that a lot is that what you're really blaming? "


Well , I guess , our parents screwed with the way I view myself and others ,
 I feel like People I have cared for so long could walk away anytime .
Love doesn't work . it's not cohesive for me , I feel one way and she feels another, I still have to endure it tho , did it before , I'll do it again . 



what's it to you Wolfgang ?
I told you to piss off . 


" Well , we've been friends for a long time , we shouldn't call it quits now , should we ? "


I guess . 
Our parents really did screw up didn't they ? 
I guess you didn't have to really live that , did you ?
I still wish I could have really met you .

" Austin , as long as you are I am "


As it should be . 


You know....

It probably looks really fucked up talking to 
a dead person right ? 

"Right "

So..... I watched Mama... 
It was alright as a thriller , but sucked as a horror movie . 
Kids are creepy as FUCK and Mama looked like my mom on her period . 
Jesus  , it was nastyyyy  ..

But the one thing I could have burned down an orphanage for was ....
They never left the daytime ..
The entire movie .. while on the inside of the house ,the women told the kids 

"girls it's late , go to sleep"

And I kid you not the day light was streaming through the windows .

Da Faq. 


Well , on another note I've had some company for the last couple days , 
the moon is full you know ...

I worked on some music today , it's going alright but it needs MAJOR mastering in order to really sound legit .. 
problem with 8-16 bit sounds . 

I haven't angsted yet ...so...


GAWHD !!!!
(proceeds to cry)




Still got those orphans ... 

When you tell a fucking orphan 
you don't love 'em 'til their hearts thin

Satan says we're dangerous, 
we're trading kids for angel dust
Snuff and sniffing out at Michael Jackson's 
tryna suck our dick
Hippopot the fucking llamas, 
dead bodies should leave the squatters
Gave the team a bunch of fucking
 bees and a Keke Palmer . . . .

You make me want to die , 
but you make me feel so alive . 



gah you put me though an emotional whirlwind .. one
moment I'm king of the world then another I feel like shit .. 

But I still care , I still want to be there .. so yhea ..
don't forget it ...

I hated today . plain and simple .
It sucked . I hate myself . 

I was in a state of sadness all day today , 
I wanted to lay down and cry . 
What really got me is ,the sense of isolation 
the feeling of forgot . 

I feel like I have to keep pushing to make people know 
I exist , in Chinese it's the worst , I have so much anger when 
I go in there , sorry Eric , but I kinda shield you guys from the 
brunt of it . 

but lunch ..I hate it . 
It's the low point of my day , although, if I saw the same people
at a different time , it would be fine  , It's like I am so far away from you .
I feel like stitches are in my mouth . It hurts to talk , I have a sharp pain in my gut . 
I want to vomit . sometimes it comes up and I have to put back down . 

You both make it worth it though , your presence makes me want to stay , 
it makes me feel like I can breath , 

especially when I can see you smile , when , for that moment , everything is good . 
I can't keep hurting myself like this ...


here's something for you all still reading this ..


When I see your smile
Tears roll down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven



good night , have a good time at band tomorrow . 
see you then . Love you guys .

you know what ?  when I see you
 like that you have my attention ,
 I can't STAND to see someone 
I care so much for hurt like that , you 
can't shake me off ….
You mean the world to me and I won't 
let the shitstorm of life get to you , 
When you talked to me about 
hurting the way I did , you shattered 
my heart . I was how close to you ?
12 inches ? at the most  two feet ? 
I'd tear someone to shreds if they hurt you 
that close to me !! 
But I saw it . I needed it confirmed . 
I saw it on your face , you wanted someone . 
God it hurts so much . 
It's kind of a vicious cycle , we both say were there for 
each other , but sometimes it never happens 
till shit hits the fan . 
I'll make that stop . 
This is so weird to say , but I felt like shit till I heard you crying , 
And when I saw you I felt like lightning went through my veins , 
my heart sped up and I was ready to take on the world . 
It was fucking awesome . 
I felt like a super hero , 
oh and bitch tried to get my attention off you , 
I was all like "no bitch" . 
I couldn't stop looking at you , I felt like I fuckin' missile  locked onto 
it's target .   (or a creepy freak) 

I won't let people shit on you like they have been , 
people's half assed comments , treating you like you're retarded . 
I'll cut them slow …..oooohhhh yhheeaaa …. Killa' in da' house ! 

But when I get put down almost , when you say shit like 

"I'm okay" 
"I'm Fine"

FUCKKKKKKINNNN' 
Fuck. 

I feel like you're shutting me down . 
Like I can't do anything about it . 

I won't let that happen , you will have to kill me , cut me up into little 
bite sized pieces , and feed me to a hoard of fat men like appetizers in Japan. 

I feel kinda' fucked up about the way I care about you … I wonder if it's normal ?

Fuck normal . 


And to Eric …

My dear boy Eric…..
you really care about me , 
I feel like you got my back ,
you will find yourself in the midst 
of all this turmoil , forget the Bitch ,
live life on , don't look back , 
you have more than enough love 
to give someone ..
You know, 
I stand behind everything you say , 
If 10 years down the line you need
 a co-sign on a house/car/boat/whorehouse/
I will gladly sign on . 
If your house burns down or is destroyed ..
come on down , 
If you need a fake I.D. a passport to brazil and a 
license to kill .. call me .. I have … Friends …
You're my closest male friend . 
If another Bitch hurts you …. I don't hurt girls .. but…
I can 

Steal her credit card numbers 
slash her tires 
put her car into a trash compactor (after I slash the tires) 
and fill her (insert social media) with Gay  Pornosss 

yes lots of it .. 



I sound friggin' messed up but I care . 




I  love both of you so much , 
You won't know how much till I die for you .
but … wait…..that might actually happen ..
what … 
(voice on my computer)
"STOP"

shhhhh,,,,

They are lurking moar ..



LOVE YOU !!! <3

I love my friends . 

Look up if you don't believe me . 


I wish you could know just what I feel , 
then maybe ...

Today was better . 
I hope it doesn't go to hell .
I hope I can still be your friend in the end .

I almost wrote a song 

about you , but I threw it away ..

please .. open up to me ,
I want to help you so bad ,
you matter the world to me ,

I can't stand to see you like this. ..

HAH ! 251 posts bitches ...

soon... 

I hate myself today , I hurt , and it sucks right now . 
My self esteem is low , my self worth is out the door . 
I hate it . I won't be able to see my friends at lunch next tri . 

That sucks hardcore . Just to let them know If they come this way...


"I LOVE YOU GUYS

I felt horrible today , The kind of helpless feeling you get when you're drowning .. 

Note to self : 

You are an IDIOT ! Why would you even think about doing that ???
You would ruin everything !!!

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP


good times .

BURN IN HELL!
FUCK YOURSELF AND 
DIE!


fuck reality , I make my own .

Watched the Blair witch project , decent movie , 
Made me laugh to say the least ..